Thursday, November 29, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Malaysia English
Malaysia English mou tak teng man....!!!!!!!
learn la veli usefull one kekekekeke
Malaysia English vs Britian English ...
Who says our English is teruk. Just see below - Ours is
simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc. The English did
invent the English Language, but they cannot use it economically when
communicating their intentions. Compare these phrases that Malaysians
and Britons use to say the same thing: So, why make things so confusing
and waste of money when you are and a long distance call.
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why lidat????ADUI!!! (jumping to conclusion)
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let mne show you.
Malaysians:Hoi!!!u pig ar lidat also doe no how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u!!!
learn la veli usefull one kekekekeke
Malaysia English vs Britian English ...
Who says our English is teruk. Just see below - Ours is
simple,short,concise, straight-to-point, effective etc. The English did
invent the English Language, but they cannot use it economically when
communicating their intentions. Compare these phrases that Malaysians
and Britons use to say the same thing: So, why make things so confusing
and waste of money when you are and a long distance call.
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why lidat????ADUI!!! (jumping to conclusion)
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let mne show you.
Malaysians:Hoi!!!u pig ar lidat also doe no how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u!!!
Q & A
Wife : Honey..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U ' ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour??
Husband : I was just looking for the expiry date.
**********
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures you Continue to do so.
**********
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
**********
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'
*********
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It ' s very kind of you, darling, But I don ' t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that ' s because we aren ' t married yet.
**********
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy ' s lap.
**********
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn ' t left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I ' d have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE'
**********
Father to son after exam: 'Let me see your report card.'
Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'
**********
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?'
Millionaire: 'I owe everything to my wife.'
Interviewer: 'Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?'
Millionaire: ' Billionaire'
**********
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I ' ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
**********
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor. '
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U ' ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour??
Husband : I was just looking for the expiry date.
**********
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures you Continue to do so.
**********
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
**********
Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, 'What other problem can there be greater than this one?'
*********
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It ' s very kind of you, darling, But I don ' t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that ' s because we aren ' t married yet.
**********
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy ' s lap.
**********
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn ' t left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I ' d have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE'
**********
Father to son after exam: 'Let me see your report card.'
Son: 'My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents.'
**********
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?'
Millionaire: 'I owe everything to my wife.'
Interviewer: 'Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?'
Millionaire: ' Billionaire'
**********
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I ' ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
**********
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me: my pretty face or my body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor. '
Ask more and you'll get it.
Husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the
wife looks over at him and asks the question.
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do"
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."
WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "shit"
wife looks over at him and asks the question.
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do"
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."
WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: -- silence --
HUSBAND: "shit"
How many days you've worked?
After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no t! ransfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation.The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying;
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So , what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and sa! id 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager: - Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that
I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK
My friend, you have not worked here for even one day.
The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain.
Manager:- How many days are there in a year?
Man:- 365 days and some times 366
Manager:- how many hours make up a day?
Man:- 24 hours
Manager:- How long do you work in a day?
Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day.
Manager:- So , what fraction of the day do you work in hours?
Man:- (He did some arithmetic and sa! id 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third)
Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days?
Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days)
Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends?
Man:- No sir
Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends?
Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days
Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have?
Man:- 18 days.
Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining?
Man:- 4 days
Manager:- Do you work on New Year day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager: - Do you come to work on workers day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 2 days sir!
Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- 1 day sir!
Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day?
Man:- No sir!
Manager:- So how many days are left?
Man:- None sir!
Manager:- So, what are you claiming?
Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that
I was stealing Company money all these days.
Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!!
HR=HIGH RISK
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